Turning Toward Your Spouse

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     Do I recognize “bids” made by my husband or am I so caught up in the busyness of life that I ignore them? John Gottman states, “In marriage, couples are always making what I call “bids” for each other’s attention, affection, humor, or support. Bids can be as minor as asking for a back rub or as significant as seeking help in carrying the burden when an aging parent is ill. The partner responds to each bid either by turning toward the spouse or turning away.” I would like to say that my answer is always yes, but I find that sometimes I ignore the bids he makes. It may not necessarily be very big significant bids but the small bids that I ignore. As I have focused this week on whether I take the time to turn toward my husband I have discovered those things.
    Gottman continues, “the first step in turning toward each other more is simply to be aware of how crucial these mini-moments are, not only to your marriage’s trust level but to its ongoing sense of romance. For many couples, just realizing that they shouldn’t take their everyday interactions for granted makes an enormous difference in their relationship. Remind yourself that being helpful to each other will do far more for the strength and passion of your marriage than two-week Bahamas getaway.” These words from Gottman really hit home to me. It really is so important that we don’t take our everyday interactions for granted which I sometimes do. We never know what the next day will bring so be aware of the small moments and turn toward your spouse. I loved what he said about being helpful, since I started school again my husband has been so helpful. He cooks, he cleans, he helps with the kids, the list goes on and it has meant so much to me. By him doing some of these small things for me it has brought a lot of strength into our marriage and I know when I am feeling stressed I can turn to him.
    I encourage all married couple to ask the question I asked myself, do I recognize the “bids” made by my spouse or do I ignore them? Whatever your answer may be focus on turning toward to your spouse for a week and see how much strength it brings into your marriage. Don’t take anytime you have with your spouse for granted.

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