Fondness and Admiration

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How much fondness and admiration do you have for your spouse? That is the question I find asking myself as I read principle 2 in John M. Gottman’s book about marriage. Gottman states, “Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance.” He continued talking about the history of the relationship, I often go back to when my husband and I first met and have fond memories of that time. Gottman says, “the best test of whether a couple still have a functioning fondness and admiration system is usually how they view their past. If a marriage is troubled, asking the couple about the current state of affairs is not likely to elicit much mutual praise. But query them about the past and you can often detect embers of positive feelings.” I love to hear about how people met their spouses and I especially love when I hear my husband tell how we met. I thought I would share my story to help me remember some of those memories I am so fond of.
I am from a little town in Arkansas. My husband is from Vernal, Utah. So how did we meet and decide to get married? My husband worked for the forest service before his mission in Vernal. After his mission he moved to Logan to work and go to school while he was there he got a call from his old boss from the forest service asking if wanted to work for them again. This time the job was in Arkansas. He decided to take the job, but it was only supposed to be for a few weeks. Where he was living in Arkansas was right on the border of my ward where I grew up. He decided to come to my ward instead of the neighboring branch. He came to church that first Sunday and we both caught each other’s eye. Growing up I didn’t date many members of the LDS church because there were not too many around so when a new guy comes into the church he catches everyone’s eye. He knew one of the missionaries serving in our ward, so he asked him about me. I was a senior in high school just getting ready to graduate and defiantly not looking to get married.
I had big plans to go to BYU-Idaho get a degree and wait for a while before I got married. Instead of the forest service sending a new crew out every few weeks they let my husband stay the entire summer. Two of his brothers also came out and joined him to work for the summer. We had a group of single adults that started hanging out for the summer and my husband and his brothers just fit right in. He was there for a few short weeks before we started dating. He decided to apply for BYU-I with out my knowledge and got accepted. So, we both started school up there at the end of the summer. When we got to Rexburg almost right away I told him that I wanted to date other people. A few days later I called him back and said that I made a mistake. We dated for a while because I thought I was too young to settle down (I was only 19). I finally decided that I did want to get married and we got married the following summer a year after we met and have been married for almost 15 years. I am so glad that I made the decision to marry him, our story puts a smile on my face. I thank Heavenly Father all the time for sending him to me.
When we look back on memories we have with our spouse it can be very beneficial for the marriage. When you think about how you first met and the reasons you fell in love it brings a special feeling back into the relationship. Think about and list the reasons you fell in love with your spouse and look back at that list often to remind you. I believe when we remember and focus on the positive aspects of our marriages it will be of great benefit.

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