Friendship in Marriage

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John M. Gottman, PH.D., states in his book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” that friendship and trust are at the heart of any marriage. He continues, “bolstering your friendship is so critical in large part because it fuels the romance, passion, and great sex that we all hope marriage will provide.” I agree with Gottman that friendship is such an important part of a marriage. My husband is my best friend. I share everything with him and I believe because of this we have a very strong foundation to our marriage.

Although my husband and I have a great friendship our marriage isn’t void of conflict. In Gottman’s book he points out the four horseman which were a real eye opener for me. These four horsemen include:
1. Criticism- you always have some complaint about your partner.
2. Contempt- arises from a sense of superiority over one’s partner. Form of disrespect.
3. Defensiveness- a way of blaming your partner.
4. Stonewalling- one partner tunes out.

We lead very busy lives right now between kids, school, work, and church callings that sometimes we let these four horsemen come into our marriage. Most of the time it is at the end of a long day when we are both tired. Luckily, we have learned to be very forgiving of each other and they are not apart of everyday for us. My husband is very good at breaking the tension with a joke or funny face. So, we don’t stay mad at each other for very long.

Making a marriage work takes a lot of hard work and understanding. I think one of the most important things you can do in a marriage is work on your friendship. Build a good strong solid foundation of friendship and those little things that all couples argue about will not put a big strain on your marriage. In our marriage we make sure that we make time for each other. We find things that we enjoy doing together which builds our friendship.

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