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Cleave Unto Your Spouse

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In Genesis 2:24 we read: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife.” What does that mean to you? Even though, the scripture just mentions a man should cleave unto his wife I believe it goes both ways that a woman should cleave unto her husband. What does it mean “to cleave”? Elder Marvin J. Ashton, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, clarified the meaning of this scripture as it relates to newly married couples. He states: “Certainly a now-married man should cleave unto his wife in faithfulness, protection, comfort, and total supports, but in leaving father, mother; and other family members, it was never intended that they now be ignored, abandoned, shunned, or deserted. The are still family, a great source of strength…Wise parents, whose children have left to start their own families, realize their family role still continues, not in a realm of domination, control, regulation, supervision, or imposition, but in love, conce...
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Who's the Boss?

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Who is the boss in your family? You, your spouse, or your children? Richard B. Miller in his article Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families made some great points about power in your marriage and family relationships. He states; “the issues of power, control, and hierarchy are important in families. Issues regarding power are at the root of many family problems.” Some of his great points include: 1.       Parents are the leaders in the family. 2.       Parents must be united in their leadership. 3.       The parent-child hierarchy dissolves when children become adults. 4.       The marital relationship should be a partnership. a.        Husbands and wives are equal. b.       Husbands and wives have different responsibilities, but they function as equals. c.        A h...
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Physical Intimacy

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Physical intimacy is a very important part of a marriage relationship. Even though it is important I feel like it can be a hard subject to discuss especially in the LDS community. Sean Brotherson in his article “Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage” says it perfect he states; “As Latter-day Saints, most of the dialogue that we hear about sexual matters consists of two primary categories: 1) The incessant chatter and noise of the world, Satan, and related sources that constantly hype and sensationalize sexual intimacy with distorted images of sensuality and misplaced or twisted values and expressions of sexuality. 2) The powerful and compelling warnings of prophetic leaders and caring Church members who seek to steer us away from pornography, sexual exploitation, and immortality in sexual matters.” He continues, and this is my favorite part; “but there is a third part of the dialogue, seldom heard or discussed, and yet it comprises perhaps the most important and powerful po...
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Overcoming Gridlock

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All couples have differences or disagreements in marriage. When partners can’t find a way to deal with some of these differences or disagreement the couple may become gridlocked. What gridlocks do you have in your marriage? Consider this question as we discuss how to overcome gridlock in marriage. Gottman states that, “all gridlocked disagreements share four characteristics.” These include: 1.         You’ve had the same argument again and again with no resolution. 2.         Neither of you can address the issue with humor, empathy, or affection. 3.         The issue us becoming increasingly polarizing as time goes on. 4.         Compromise seems impossible because it would mean selling out-giving up something important and core to your beliefs, values, or sense of self. So how do we overcome gridlock in marriage? In his book Gottman gives us four steps to help overcome marital issue th...
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Conflict in Marriage

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                         All marriages have conflict because we each bring our own individual ideas, opinions, morals, and difference into the relationship. In Gottman’s book he states that there are two kinds of marital conflict. These include perpetual problems and solvable problems.             Gottman states that the majority of conflicts, 69%, fall into the perpetual problem category. All couples have them, these problems are grounded in the fundamental differences that any two people face. In happy marriages Gottman says, “that despite their difference, these couples remain very satisfied with their marriages because they have hit upon a way to deal with their unmovable problems so that they don’t become overwhelming. They’ve learned to keep then in their place and approach them with a sense of humor.” On the other hand, in un...
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Be Unselfish

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How do I humble myself and use repentance to make my marriage stronger? This is the question I find asking myself as I read Chapter 4 “Humility and Repentance” in Goddard’s book. He states; “The first step is the humility to know that our perceptions are very limited. We rarely know our partner's heart or God's purposes. Then we learn to call on God. Every day. Every hour. We cry out with all great repenters: "O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on my fallen and troubled soul. Fill me with Thee. Soften my heart. Give me healing peace." There is power in submission. As Paul astutely observed, "Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong" (2 Corinthians. 12:10, emphasis added). Very often our self-sufficiency gets in God's way. In the spirit of humility, we listen to our partner and we listen to God. We replace despair with an enla...
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Turning Toward Your Spouse

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                Do I recognize “bids” made by my husband or am I so caught up in the busyness of life that I ignore them? John Gottman states, “In marriage, couples are always making what I call “bids” for each other’s attention, affection, humor, or support. Bids can be as minor as asking for a back rub or as significant as seeking help in carrying the burden when an aging parent is ill. The partner responds to each bid either by turning toward the spouse or turning away.” I would like to say that my answer is always yes, but I find that sometimes I ignore the bids he makes. It may not necessarily be very big significant bids but the small bids that I ignore. As I have focused this week on whether I take the time to turn toward my husband I have discovered those things.      Gottman continues, “the first step in turning toward each other more is simply to be aware of how crucial these mini-moments a...
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